Sunday, December 9, 2012

"Can You Please Read the Minutes?"

The following is the audio recording of the meeting, during which Eric Forge, 42 of <city removed> was brutally beaten to death by Serenade, Inc. CEO Robert Morgan. This particular tape was corrupted for reasons unknown. Large areas of corruption or static are marked with "██."

Robert Morgan: Thank you all for attending this meeting! If you would please take a seat. Thank you. Mr. Brown, if you would please be so kind as to shut the door. Thank you. Alright, does everyone have the agenda? Good. Let's dive right in with item one: sales records in our <city name removed> stores. From the reports we've received from the store managers and my own visits, I can personally confirm that sales have risen by an average of four hundred percent!

*scattered applause*

Now, I’d like the manager of our top selling store, Mr. Forge, give us a few words. Mr. Forge.

Eric Forge: Thank you. As Mr. Morgan said, average sales have risen by four hundred percent. Personally, my store's sales have risen by approximately four hundred and sixty three percent.

Morgan: Excuse me, Eric, could you say that again? I could have sworn that you had said ███████████████.

Forge: Um, f-four hundred and sixty three percent.

Morgan: I thought you said the store had the highest sales record. It obviously can’t if it only increased by █████████████. As a matter of fact, I thought ██████████████████████████.

Forge: My apologies, sir, I must have misspoken. Could- could we move on please?

Morgan: Very well. Let’s move on to item two. Thank you, Eric.

Eric: Of course.

Morgan: Item two: Testing for our new product is going well. If all proceeds according to plan, we’ll have the Microsonata Three out on the market by next quarter.


Morgan: Polling shows that interest in the Microsonata Three has risen considerably, and that sales are expected to rise from the Microsonata Two by around one hundred and fifty percent. Additionally, █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ as well as potentially increasing our net in█████████████. Excuse me, Eric, what did you say?

Forge: I didn't say anything, sir.

Morgan: Eric, I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to make a fool of me.

████: ██████████████████

Morgan: What did you just say? I don’t need your help for that?

Forge: S-sir, I haven't said anything, I swear to God.

Morgan: ...let's move onto item three.

██: █████████████████████████████

Morgan: ████████ YOU SON OF █████████████████████████████████████.

*tape ends*

As can be seen, the distortion hits around halfway through the tape and continues until the end. After Morgan can be heard saying: YOU SON OF, there's almost two minutes of static, in which can be heard muffled screaming and the sound of metal hitting flesh.

On a separate note, the company building has been closed after a number of so called "nervous breakdowns" were reported and the building was found to be infested with some kind of fungus. Disaster Control has been sent to the building, which has no plans to be opened in the immediate future.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.